that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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