and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
