Don't you send me to vm
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
