Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
