apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
