No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
