You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
