we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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