I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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