Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cut my penus on the lid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
