I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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