Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
