yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
