You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
