I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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