yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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