My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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