Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
