omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
