Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
