Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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