So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
