Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
