If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
