she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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