i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
