I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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