the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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