There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
