The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
