omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
