How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
