I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Where is the hickey?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
