sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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