Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
