Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
