First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
