beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I love you.
Bad choice
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
