How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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