did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
