i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
