I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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