Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
