Your dad touched me again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
