im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
