literally had 100 drinks last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
