I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
