just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
