I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
