I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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