I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
