So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
